Illustrations by Scott Murry @hotdogtaco
College is a time for minds to expand hard with the glut of information being fed directly into the pie-hole of every fresh-faced student getting through higher education. So for freshman and returning students alike, here’s a cheery little collection of factoids and other fun and sometimes useful campus data (see: toilets) from our minions that have made it through the educational gauntlet at some chosen local schools. Here’s a breakdown of what to know about your school.
BOSTON UNIVERSITY
SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL TELL YOU: They didn’t get in to NYU.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: That you should hang out at the BU Pub in the Castle, which you should.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: They had a great experience renting an off-campus apartment from Alpha Management.
MIT
SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL TELL YOU: All the job recruiter are sweating you.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: Your new post-college job and apartment are probably both under construction in Kendall Square.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: The parties at the Beacon St. frat houses are insufferably lame.
HARVARD
SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL TELL YOU: The hardest part was getting in.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: Shay’s Wine Bar is the best place to kick back with a book in all of Massachusetts.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: You’re an entitled little shit who will probably go on to work in finance and screw poor people.
NORTHEASTERN
SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL TELL YOU: When it’s cold out, you can walk to almost anywhere in Back Bay indoors through the Prudential Center.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: There’s as much to do south of you in Jamaica Plain as there is to the north of you downtown.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: Your school is bulldozing Boston’s black community to make room for more dorms and shit.
EMERSON
SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL TELL YOU: You’re going to be America’s next big stand-up comic.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: Don’t think you’re too good for the arts community while you’re here in Boston. Jump right in.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: Your school radio station used to be awesome, and now it fucking blows.
BOSTON COLLEGE
SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL TELL YOU: “Sucks to BU.” Translation: Living at the end of the B-line is the pits.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: It’s not Catholic. It’s Jesuit. They’re different.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: At most schools, part of an RA’s job is to throw more condoms at you than you’ll be able to actually use. An RA at BC will get fired for encouraging any kind of premarital sex, even the safe variety.
UMASS BOSTON
SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL TELL YOU: Avoid the socialist/evangelical people who constantly leaflet but look like they don’t go to school there.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: The buildings, constructed in a fit of ’70s-era cronyism, are not in the greatest shape. In fact, a couple are scheduled for demolition.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: There are several single occupancy toilets to be found in the Wheatley building. They’re gender-neutral and almost always vacant, and are great places to shit.
LESLEY/AIB
SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL TELL YOU: John Lennon and Yoko Ono laid in the quad while waiting for a feminist conference in 1973.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: The stairs in the quad were built extra long and extremely narrow to match the gait of women when the school was originally all girls.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: It’s Reddit’s worst college cafeteria food choice for mac and cheese, comprised of bland ziti pasta topped with slices of American cheese.
SUFFOLK
SOMETHING EVERYONE WILL TELL YOU: It takes forever for the Sawyer Business School elevators to arrive.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: Donahue Café gets really busy at lunchtime. It’s hard to find a seat at Donahue Cafe at lunchtime, so have a back-ups.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: Windows are locked shut in most of the buildings, thus the threat of suffering through class amidst an indoor heat wave is very real.
BERKLEE
SOMETHING EVERYBODY WILL TELL YOU: Beyonce is the greatest/I play four instruments.
SOMETHING A FEW PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU: Your Berklee ID gets your free admission to the MFA.
SOMETHING NOBODY WILL TELL YOU: There’s a rehearsal facility off campus in Allston that never ever has a line.
